Unbreakable

I can't even imagine a single person on earth who wants to smell like Lamar Odom or Khloe Kardashian. I watch this commercial and I think to myself, "there are so many other people that seem like they would smell better." Jon Hamm, aka Don Draper, comes to mind. I would have said Scarlett Johansson, but I found out last night at an Academy Awards soiree that she's a bit of a "sweat monster." Natalie Portman maybe? Although, every time I think of her, I am reminded of that absolutely retarded thing she does in her bedroom in Garden State. That looks like it smells.

In Lamar's defense, he does look a little shy about being shirtless with Khloe riding him like a horse. He can't make eye contact with the camera, he keeps covering his chest- do you think during the shoot he was imagining Kobe shaking his head "no," then not passing the rock to him when he's wide open for a game winner? I would be. I do lots of things imagining Kobe looking at me. Like right now, I'm typing and I'm thinking "if Kobe were watching me right now, he would be so impressed by my finger speed that I might land a job as his personal emailer." If I couple my job as Kobe's personal emailer, with mine as a professional flu spreader (see below), then land some incredible real estate deals when the market is soaring (see Jerry Buss), I could possibly be in a position to own the Lakers in 20-25 years. All this incredible good fortune because Lamar and Khloe had the foresight to start my career with a horrible fragrance.

Which brings me to the fragrance...any ideas what it smells like? I feel like it might smell like bacon, or a steak burrito wrapped in tin foil. I love Lamar, and am actually kinda into the Kardashian sisters and their wild farting antics. But fuck, I just don't want either rubbing their stink into my neck.